I read something today

I read something today
  A Tyler Kent White poem
  And I wanted to share it with you
  Dissect the syntax and subtext within the words

I read something today
  And the strings of longing started stirring deep inside
  And the corridors of my mind palace
 Was flooded with memories
  Of you and I 

I read something today
  And I can almost trace ghost smile
  That will adorn your face
  When you will see it sitting in your inbox

I read something today
  That reminded me you were gone
  And the future I was so certain of
  Is now nowhere to be found

I read something today
  This isn't news to you
  But I finally realised today
  Why I so avidly do

I read something today
  And momentarily
  I didn't feel quite so alone.
  Even though you're not beside me
  I don't feel cold anymore.

I read something today
  Its what I do
  Because when everything else changes
  Words, they always stay true.

TO THE PEOPLE I HAVE LOVED

Hello,
I swore to myself
I would never write about you ever again.
But you also know that I always say, “Never say never!”

They say the human body replaces all its cells in 7 years
So by next year
My body will not be tainted by your love anymore.

But maybe I’ll still carry you around,
That tiny little part,
The one you revealed,
When we stayed up all night.

No, I don’t regret you.
And I wish someone like me was built to forget you.
And maybe I’ll never learn to demand less,
Or be anything else you wanted me too.

But thank you,
For I now know,
That I will never compress myself
To fit into someone else’s life.

I will never say it’s okay,
To live with a lie.
I won’t believe someone,
Who can only offer pretty words.
And I will never tone done,
My irrational behaviours.

For years I wondered,
What do I do with all this love,
That you so frivolously cast aside,
I carried it around,
And sometimes it weighed me down.

But I’m taking a breath
And letting it in,
Why waste something on you,
When it should probably be mine?

FILAMENTS BETWEEN FINGERTIPS

Paper thin skin,
Fractured with scars
And you painted over it,
With anchors and hearts.

Broken and bruised,
Flirting with knives,
Bullets and ballads,
I stood by and saw myself drown.

Something about the way you held me,
Like it wasn’t me who you were saving,
Cradling me like a filament between your fingertips,
You held on for dear life.

And I know it wouldn’t make sense,
To someone already insane,
But I will never forget,
That night you stayed up with me.

I guess what I’m trying to say,
Is thank you for saving my life.

(Dedicated to my miracle,
Forever and always.)

MALLOW & MAUVE

These bruises will fade
Eventually the scar tissue
Will be so faint
It won’t even exist
Like mallow and mauve
The cut ran deep 
So did the love
But you didn’t see
Or maybe I didn’t show enough
But darling, you never told me
You were afraid of these scars
I wouldn’t have displayed my innermost
Handed you over my heart
Silly, silly, silly girl
My flowers were usually thorns
With these thorns I’ll make a tiara
And crown myself
Love may not be meant for me
But heartbreak always liked my name

MINKE WHALES AND THE SONGS THEY SING

The first night
I placed my head on your chest
And heard your beating heart,
I felt I had discovered the portal
To galaxies not visible to the naked eye.
It was more than just the contracting and relaxing
of your atria and ventricles
That I heard that night,
For the sound your heart made,
Felt like a promise,
Like the sweetest sound
Asking me to hold on tight.
Forgive me,
If this doesn’t make sense
For expressing the ineffable
Is a delicate art.
Usually verbose;
I can’t elucidate
Why the lub lub of your heart
Reminded me of
Minke whales and the songs they sing,
Songs filled with stories,
That are now imprinted in my mind.
All I know is,
The slight heaving of your chest,
Was casting spells on this frail heart of mine.
Lying next to you,
And breathing you in,
I tried hard to not sink,
But all of my defences,
Seemed to have abandoned me in the dark.
For once upon a time it may have been mine,
But since that night,
This heart has been  yours.

COLD COFFEE (HOW WE COPE)

The espresso machine sits gathering
dust in the corner
The smell of freshly grounded coffee
that once filled this room
Has long been replaced by the
stench
of distilled alcohol and nausea
Once excited about the future
You’ve now been consumed by the past
And you’re withering away
Like a leaf in a storm
The only colour left in your life
Is the bloodshot in your eyes
But in a world that’s taken too much from you
This is the only way left
This is how you cope.

THE UNIVERSE IS BUSY TONIGHT

In the early hours of twilight,

Weaving my way through the penumbra of trees,

I clamber on top of the water tank.

In the distance I  hear the sonorous temple bell clang,

The silence consumes it swiftly.

I could never explain the peace that I felt here.

I breath in the city

Laid out below me like a labyrinth of twinkling lights.

There were never any stars in the skies around here

But the city shone so bright

That you never missed them.

With a bottle of Jack next to me

And a heart consumed by hiraeth,

I was ready to be lost to the world for the next few hours. 

I lay down and close my eyes,

The memories come back,

In flashes at first

Your lilting voice calling my name,

Your evocative smile,

The rich sound of your laughter.

And those ocean eyes,

I never stood a chance.

The memories start to blur together.

I open my eyes,

And stare into the black vastness above me,

Seeking answers that

may somehow explain these scars.

But the universe is busy tonight,

And I’m running out of reasons 

To explain why

I still revisit this place

Where we first met

When all that remains

Is vestiges 

Of melancholy and a love that died.

But my naive heart still believes,

One day the universe will answer

And you’ll come around. 

 

FARSICKNESS

I was always running
Into the tempest.
Wild and wandering,
I never wanted to settle.
But you brushed your fingers
Down my back,
And you held my stare.
You didn’t just see the scars,
You kissed them away.
And you filled places inside
I wasn’t aware existed.
And your embrace
I could finally stop longing
For a place called home.

THE DAY INFLATES LIKE LUNGS

It was a Sunday,

And we were driving down the coast,

Somewhere between the salty ocean air,

And your fingers tracing circles on my palm,

While you laughed

And we drank beers,

I realised that it takes more than oxygen,

To keep one alive.

 

WHY WE’VE COME TO BREAK UNEVENLY

You offer vodka,
But I decline.
I wish you’d have  figured out I liked whisky.
You turn the music up,
And in my mind I’ve already tuned out.
You ask me what time I’d like to go to the movies,
Instead of which movie I’m in the mood for.
You’ll ask me if I want to come see your favourite band play,
But couldn’t be bothered to even know the name of mine.
I don’t mind.
Maybe this will change over time,
Or maybe in trying to fit into your life,
I’ll have to shave little pieces of me.
Until I slip straight between your shivering fingers.
When it happens,
Don’t blame me.
Because I tried
But you can’t make a puzzle out of
Two jagged, uneven pieces.